Who feels inspired by Labour’s new leadership campaign, currently contested by similar kinds of people offering similar kinds of things? You’re not? I thought so. But admittedly it’s a tough call in difficult times.

Can we aim high and get hold of Nicola Sturgeon on a transfer before next season, please? She’d make a great leader for Labour.

No? Hmmm, you’re probably right. She has expressed a commitment to her present team and is on a winning streak. Besides, this Conservative-agenda-following, electorate-lecturing Labour party doesn’t look likely to achieve Champion’s League politics in the near future, and without that there’s no chance of attracting the top players.